You knew your divorce would be different than what others went through, but you thought that if you asked other people about their divorce process, it could help you prepare. Instead, it frustrated you, gave you different and conflicting information and has confused you more than before.
The reality is that every divorce is different for a number of reasons. Location, the year and even the actions of those involved in the relationship can have a major impact on the divorce itself. Here are three reasons you should focus on your own divorce and not compare it to someone else's.
1. Location matters
The first thing to remember is that where you file for divorce matters. If you talk to someone who divorced in New Mexico while you're going through a divorce in Arizona, for example, then there will be differences in law and how it's applied. For instance, the period of time you have to wait to get a divorce, the courts' preferences on child custody arrangements and other factors could all vary significantly.
2. The past isn't now
For someone who got married and divorced 10 years ago, the laws in court today are likely vastly different than in the past. For example, you might have seen more mothers walking away with custody a decade ago because of a presumption that young children did better with their mothers. Comparatively, today, both parents have an equal chance of custody without bias.
3. Everyone's relationship with a spouse is different
Finally, don't compare your divorce and the relationship you have with your spouse to anyone else's divorce. Why? You might have an easy divorce with an amiable spouse willing to work with you to make both of you happy. On the contrary, your divorce might be difficult with a spouse who won't agree to simple terms.
Listening to stories about other people's exes is only going to affect your own mental health, so it's better to focus on your situation and go by what you see in front of you. Don't expect the same outcome that someone else had, because there are far too many factors to consider for any two divorces to be identical. Good or bad, no one else's divorce has an affect on yours.
Don't compare your divorce to anyone else's just as it's not healthy to compare marriages. You and your spouse are unique individuals, and your situation is bound to vary from what you've seen with others.